Dreams that play Hide and Seek

There was a time when I was young, (it’s not that unbelievable), when dreams were a reality. I remember looking at people and thinking to myself I won’t let that happen to me. But life isn’t exactly what I perceived it to be. Not to be a pessimist, but I wish someone would have told me that most times maybe 80/100 times things don’t always turn out the way you imagine them.

The media is full of people who are survivors, even destinys child wrote a song on being a survivor! If we consider for a minute how much of the media is bombarding us with “how to be a survior” material, you’d think that it would have sunk in. That I would have got the point. Remember “I get knocked down, but I get up again, you never going to keep my down”, “The Oprah Show”, the cancer survivors blog, the person who was made redundant, the job seeker, the job finder, the death beater, love finder, mother hater, family seeker I could go on. But nobody told me.

I want to know what people do when they find out and they realise that its not real and that my life is never going to be what I dreamt up for it, when the only way is to accept what fate has offered but I don’t have a clue how to begin – what do they do? What do I do (with no cliches applicable, I am fed up of “its going to be”, “eventually you’ll find a path”), how on earth do you pick yourself up of the floor, cos its the hardest thing that you as a person have had to face. I’m not comparing myself to other people, I’m sure there are people who have it harder than I do, but personally when you hit a wall what do you do to keep the flame alive.

I’d like to quote Emeli Sande here, she has the uncanny ability to put into words what I can only feel:

“Clown”

I guess it’s funnier from where you’re standing
Cause from over here I missed the joke
Clear the way for my crash landing
I’ve done it again
Another number for your notesI’d be smiling if I wasn’t so desperate
I’d be patient if I had the time
I could stop and answer all of your questions
As soon as I find out
How I can move from the back of the line.
I’d be less angry if it was my decision
And the money was just rolling in
If I had more than my ambition
I’ll have time for ‘Please’
I’ll have time for ‘Thank you’
As soon as I winFrom a distance my choice is simple
From a distance I can entertain
So you can see me
I put make-up on my face
But there’s no way you can feel it
From so far away.
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