It’s been a long struggle. Until now patience has been my best friend, ignorance my sanity. I’ve waited and hoped for this day to come, to hear that the visa has come through and it’s here, today! Today as happy as I am, as joyous as it feels, it also feels surreal. It feels like the joy belongs to someone else. I’ve waited for so long but it doesn’t feel tangible somehow.
I’m trying to assess this, why do I not feel happy and victorious, like I’ve achieved something? I think it’s perhaps because it doesn’t change my situation today, it changes it in the future. My life isn’t certain here in the Uk but it remains a possibility. The job, a new job is a possibility but I am faced with a more real and current fear, one where I’ve lost all my excuses. There are no more reasons for failure. Today someone wrote to congratulate me, he said you don’t have to worry about the future you’ll be earning £150,000 by then. The truth however is no matter how capable you present yourself as, capable you may even be, to present that to a world is a whole different story.